Finally - To be a legal, equal couple, committed and in love with each other just like any other married couple.

 When I checked my news feed and saw the ruling to legalize same-sex marriage in all 50 states my first thought was "oh that really happened? Huh..." You see the whole marriage battle had been a bit of a sore subject for me... I have fought all my life just to be accepted as who I am, just trying to be accepted in society, treated equally and fairly. Why should it matter who I love or commit to be my life partner, my spouse, husband. Never mind the whole separation of church and state factor. I think I had become somewhat passé about the whole same sex, gay marriage issue, or so I thought.  

This is because when Justin and I married May 28, 2004, when it initially became legal in Oregon, it was to show officially my life commitment to Justin before my family and friends and as is the custom to have our union blessed by the church and legal for the benefits and protections that come with the institution of marriage. To be a legal, equal couple, committed and in love with each other just like any other married couple. A very happy moment in our relationship.  ​

---

As today progressed and the news sank in I found myself becoming quite emotional. If a piece of government paper really didn't matter, why was I becoming so emotional? I suppose the issue mattered more to me than I thought at least on the surface. Subconsciously I felt less then valid, perhaps that I was being denied the right to have or enjoy the same rights as any other human being, perhaps because I felt lesser then the average person as I was denied the same equality and rights. I always felt awkward and maybe even a little scared? when asked about my "wife" or how I should introduced my "partner?", "Husband?" what??? Was it that I felt less then whole or was it fear that I would be discriminated against or just that I was struggling with my own insecurities and felt less of a person because I wasn't accepted by society?  

Well today I think it was a multitude of these feelings that surfaced. I finally feel validated as an equal human, something I strive for all my life. I am a human being equal in society, a person with the same rights, needs, feelings, etc. as anyone else and I guess I finally feel accepted and apart of society as a whole. I can say "This is my husband, Justin" with renewed confidence and though there will still be those who don't understand or accept my lifestyle or who I am, I will no longer feel less of a person or less equal then anyone else, and for me that is huge! It is amazing how being denied something that is freely given to everyone else can impact ones spirit, confidence, ones own self acceptance, something I hadn't realized the impact of until today. ​